Some Podium Humor

1. Maid being interviewed for new job:
   "Can you serve company?"
   "Yes, Ma'am, both ways."
   "What do you mean?" asked the lady.
   "So they'll come again … or so they won't."
2. Two young boys walked into the dentist's office. One faced the dentist boldly and said, "Doc, I want a tooth pulled out and I don't want no gas 'cause I'm in a hurry."
   "I must say, you're a brave boy," said the dentist. "Which tooth is it?"
   The little boy turned to his silent friend and said, "Show him your tooth, Joey."

3. Several women at a party were chatting with the little daughter of their hostess.
   "I suppose that you are a great help to your mother," commented one of them.
   "Oh, yes, Ma'am" replied the child … "and so is Sally, but today it's my turn to count the spoons after you have gone."

4. "A friend of mine is a stockbroker. That's a fascinating business to be in. It's surprising how many people drive to his office in a Mercedes … to get financial advice from people who came to work in a bus."

5. "I'll say one thing for _________ (club member or ?). He knows what poverty means. He looked it up in Webster's."

6. "I didn't say it was a tough course. I just said it's the first time I ever saw a sand trap with headstones."

7. "I get very discouraged trying to get our kids to take baths. It's tough on a parent knowing that his car meets EPA emission standards and his 10-year old son doesn't."

8. "Confidence is critical. Confidence is going after Moby Dick with a rowboat, a harpoon, and a jar of tartar sauce."

9. "I'm told you can always tell if a speaker is lying by looking into his eyes."
   (Put on a pair of sunglasses)
   "And so, I'll begin the financial report …"